Shades of them…

Her light black glittered nail paint was his favorite. He loved putting it over her fingers to her arms & some of it on her cheeks too. She would curse him trying to rub it off from all over her while he laughed his eyes out.  He would hide her anklets in the dark hours of the night.  Just so that he would get another chance to kneel down, take her feet in his hands and tie it again. He had gifted her more than a dozen anklets, all with metallic bells. He felt assured of her presence while he wouldn’t be looking at her.

Sometimes when she felt low, he would braid her hair too, gently caressing each strand. He liked her hair lose, untied, falling carelessly all over her face. They said he was always talking, but with her, the only thing he wanted was to listen. He would notice the little crack in her voice when he smiled at her. And the gentle curve of her lips when she tried to steal a look from him. Days when he would wake up before her, he would watch her sleep. His favorite time of the day was when they would sit on the attic in absolute stillness. How comfortable it was to share silences with her and still be understood. Sometimes he thought how she always knew whether he wanted a strong coffee or a soothing tea without him saying a word.

Many a days she would hide in the garden only to see the expression on his face as he would lose himself in the painting. She had mastered the art of putting into words the thoughts in his mind. Most of her days will be spent with her putting colors on blank sheet. Days she didn’t paint, she would talk to his mother, go through his childhood album picking up faces to frame, mix up songs for them to dance on a dimly lit evening, bookmark the pages for him to read from her favorite novel and learn to bake, just the way he liked…

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Nothingness…

I
should have told
you how I really feel
A little in advance….

Had I been living a daydream?
Was the past a fairy tale and the
Present a hard truth?
My heart is left in pieces
The fogs are finally lifted; But
The destiny remains unchanged.
I still stay far
From surrendering…
Time changes nothing at all
I miss you the same as the day you left
I miss you in the summer warmth, in the
Blowing winds that touch my cheeks,
Your memories come rushing by
Every time I pass the bench we sat on
Over and over again, swallowing me each day…

I hate that you left
Without hearing the words
That I needed you to
The words left unsaid

The expectations unfulfilled,
I’m struggling to hold to nothingness.
There are times
When you sneak out of my mind
And roll down my cheeks
When I know all I want is you
Now all I do is wait for another life
Where I wouldn’t know you at all,
Where I wouldn’t struggle to forget you
Loving you is a heartache that never goes away.

I missed you yesterday and the day before
and I know I will do that tomorrow too.

Every time we have to say goodbye
I’m counting down until we say hello
I never had something that I
Can’t walk away from
When it comes to you, no, I
ain’t got no patience…
But if there is somebody that
Makes you feel perfect
The way I’ve been lacking
Then do what you have to
because I’d never blame you
For not choosing me…

It’s all meant to be…

Some days even the sun hides behind
the clouds
And you end up being a dead star on a 
night sky
Whirling darkness, lonely weather 
And the pain comes out as tears down 
your cheek…

She lived for ‘and they happily lived 
ever after…’
He hoped for ‘Once upon a time…’

Her heart was a sealed garden & the
walls were very high
Inside her heart she placed dreams
Beyond his reach…

He walked with her, not holding hands
but soul
He made her feel the warmth,Inspite the
walls

A swollen heart 
An undying love
Oh,it’s him again, a hundredth time 
& destroyed self…

She remembers his smile 
That sparkled in his eyes
She remembers the spirit 
That set her free…

As memories grew
They became inseparable 
Every memory remains
As the days past swiftly…

A blatant fate 
A concealed secret 
A blurred vision 
It’s,the fear of future, a mighty 
& poignant reality..

Unforgettable, that’s how he stayed in her
Treasured,where ever he is…
She concealed a secret,too heavy for her to
carry
She made him promise
That he’ll pardon her for
killing him…
He will…won’t he…??

A pair of almond eyes!

Each raindrop that hits the window glass, it fills up the room with a sudden melancholy. Here I am, silent, trying to hear what the noises are about. People say love strikes you like lightening, a sudden wave rushes down your spine, ecstasy fills the air you breathe and you go singing all day long. Falling in love is like a fairy tale coming true. Each moment you wish that person to be right next to you. She is the first thought in the morning, the smile that persists on your lips and the last kiss of the night. She is a lifetime with a happy ending.Yet I’m trying to figure out the essence of everything, her innocence is what troubles me the most. He first saw her on a moon light. Soon a foreign emotion clouds his eyes…

He ‘was welcomed with her eyes

He gazed at her so much,

Her beauteous brown almond eyes

Made him melt…

He said it will work out,

Though she had her doubts.

He climbed inside her skin

And made all the promises

He made castles beside the sea

Little did she know those castles were of mud.

He didn’t leave till she said yes.

The sands of time slipped by,

She fell in love the day he fell out of it….

 

All the promises he made

Stood like a double headed sword

Ripping her mind and soul apart

Demons stole her breaths, she survived.

Denials pounded through her mind,

Emptiness echoed through her heart

Moments were filled with pain

She still fell for him every morning.

 

Time flew,wedding bells ringing.

She kept the vows. She knew what it meant to say  “yes”.

When they said ‘Love is what that binds you both’,

She wondered was that ‘love’ that suffocated her?

He bent down to slide the ring in her finger. He smiled.

He was cold as ice,

She couldn’t find love in his eyes.

Darkness covering her like a blanket

Gliding deep in to her thoughts,

Yet she smiled back.

Both carried the weight of the ring forever

With no fairy tale ending…

 

 

 

 

.

Immobile…

Untying my hair, letting it go loose

I lifted my head

To the clouds above

Gentle breeze caressed my face

Rushing past my face

Midst nowhere

I stood there

Finding the lost happiness

Captivated in thoughts

Caught in its chain of web

Seeking the lost me

Somewhere on the road of past

I am not afraid to walk alone anymore

I don’t care if I was right in holding your hands

I don’t care if I was right in choosing you

I don’t care you still love me or not

I don’t care what you feel about me

I don’t care what others think about me

Because I have been hurt for so long

That nothing affects me now…

I don’t need your presence anymore

For it’s all so fake

I believed in your feigning

And so, I now stand betrayed!

I believed in “YOU”!

But those were mere pretending.

I curse my own self

For all the times I wept for you

Because you never deserved it all.

Your words no more touch my heart

for they are all false.

Your name strikes my mind

And its al hatred I am filled with

I thought you were the one

But now it doesn’t even matter

For I have seen the worst

My head is still lifted.

Midst nowhere

Immobile I stand

This is exactly where I am

Left wounded and shattered…

Oh lady Moon…

Oh silver moon

My old friend

In the stillness of this lonely night

Peeping through my window

You will see me weak

And I won’t lie

Not to you

You will see me bleed

Too many memories under my skin

Too many riddles hidden within

He is gone

I’m lost

Bring back those nights

Drift my love closer to shore

Light the path once we walked together…

Frozen

I stood there frozen

Beneath a blanket of dust

Forcing me to fall deeper

I have sunken deeply

In to the black hole of mind

My passion

It roared throughout the night

Stretching its paws

Unaware about my dreams fermenting to wine

Intoxicated on the essence of you

Oh, My love

Rewind the clock; let me breathe

I want to feel the delight of magic love

The magic that cradles the world

Come back; I want to feel it again

The pervading fresh scent of love

The sound of Birds on the meadows

Along with the tune of my heart

The Strokes of West Wind against my pale skin

Come back; I want to feel it again

I want to feel the frigid cold winter

Lifting the lashes of calm waters…

Let go or Be dragged…

Sometimes in life good bye is the only way even though you never wanted to leave..There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldn’t even jump puddles for you…It hurts so much more to keep holding to something that isn’t there…So letting it go will be the only option!

Does it make any sense

that I’ve broken my own heart?

 Willing to let myself fall

I gave him everything

I’ve fallen for him

I’ve fallen for his charms

I’ve fallen for his words

Walking around

In broken heels

I can hardly breathe

All my dreams

Getting smaller and smaller

My trust was my last defense

Never in my wildest dream

I did expect this to happen

You made the choice

But I guess it was meant to be

Does it make any sense

that I’ve broken my own heart?

My love for you has no meaning but a blur

I feel bare and naked

Unprotected like a child

No amount of passion

Can ever stop this pain

I have no more intent

This is the last one for you,

There’s nothing left I can do.

You were something that I did virtue,

Even when you never had a clue.

Does it make any sense

that I’ve broken my own heart?

Sometimes letting go is the only way…

Lies…

I stood there

alone

Feeling like

It was nothing

My night mares

Starts

When I wake up

I’m lost

In

His dreams

They were bright

Like

Sunshine

I’m afraid

I can’t fight forever

I’m chained

You watch me gasp for breath

You watch me stand in storms

You watch me blank out

In my whispers,

Silent breaths

I’ll tell you how things were

I’ll pretend that it was real

My empty lies!!!

Her Illusions

As she walk in that lonely path

Passing through the endless crowd

She met two eyes

It was different from those all,

who walked past her

They stood there gazing each other

And the whole crowd stopped moving

Is this love?

She’s still dreaming

She’s probably going crazy

She closed her eyes

She can feel that their world

 growing bigger and bigger

When he reciprocate her feelings

She can feel the rain drops

dripping in her stomach

He showered her

with endless memories

Time flew away

She didn’t know when

Truth becomes lies

And promises becomes words…

He walked away

And their love become her only regret

She sits back and feels as if

Their moments have been fading away

And their worlds has been collapsing

Right in front of them

Even without his presence

They are grabbing away her life

How many illusions she has to pass before reaching him?

Sometimes she feel like letting it go

But then he stands right before her eyes

And making her realize

That they weren’t illusions

One day these walls

 Will crumble

One day the door

Will swing wide open

And when the day comes

Remember he is meant to fly higher,

And he will fly back towards her

no one can take that away…

Come back..

As I grow old

All I hear is a lonely song…

I know he is out there for me

I wish if he could hold me like before

We had our inhibitions in becoming friends

I guess it’s true what they say

how “just friends” never works out the way

But little did I know that our bond is breaking

And soon we are going to grew apart.

All those happy times are gone

And I know life is about moving on

Yet my heart fails to understand it

You were everything I’ve ever needed

I didn’t mean to hurt you

I swear I have nothing to do with this tangled mess

How does ignoring me possibly do you good?

At what point you will stop trying to be better and admit the truth?

If my feelings are irritating I think you’ve misunderstood.

The more you deny the more I seek your presence

People tell me that I’m wrong for falling in love with you

Trust me I have tried so hard to keep you out of my heart

Now I’m ready to get settled for anything you give

Tell me whether you can be happy without me

I can clearly see the loss in your gleaming eyes too

Don’t you dare say that I’m something that you don’t deserve

Because you had your chance for this but you said nothing at all…

Even when this relationship has gone cold

I can clearly hear your voice

And I miss the way you never looked at me.

Now I’m certain that you didn’t mean a thing because

Every time you said you are addicted with me

It was just the whispers of a cheesy play boy

I still remember the day you walked away

It’s because I was thinking you’d look back at me

It’s not that you abandoned me hurt me the most

It’s the thought and memories that you left behind

I tried to paint my heart without scrapping out your memory

I knew missing someone was a kind of pain

But I never knew what it felt like when someone wouldn’t do the same

I swear I tried my best when you left

But I’m tired of pretending that I’m just fine

Your presence still on my skin

It slice through my heart

I don’t want this feeling

I’m haunted by your smile

You are living in my eyes with that goodbye

Please make it go away

Remember the time when you took me out?

Remember the time you held my hands?

Remember the time we shared endless laughs?

Remember the days we fought badly?

So many memories and I just have to ask

Do you remember it all just like that?

Did you enjoy like the way I do?

I have already choked the last tears that will ever come

People look at me and think I’m mad

That’s because they don’t know you like the way I do

I hope you regret on the goodbye you chose to keep

I hope it floats on your head while you’re trying to sleep

I want to speak until you love me

And then leave because that’s what you did

Don’t you dare say me that you wanted to stay

And try to make me believe that I’m something you’ll miss

Like all the normal people I wanted a closure

A closure that I deserve for loving you so much

I want you to know that I’ll be fine

I want you to know that I don’t need your time

I want you to know that I’m not weak

I want you to know that falling out is not easy as falling in

I want you to know that when you say hello I hear baby

I want you to know that when you say no I hear maybe we can

I want you to know that that one thing

I’d like to see is a promise that at least you’ll remember me

Why am I the only one to hear your voices?

Why am I the only one to see your eyes on the stranger?

Why am I missing you when I clearly know that you don’t miss me?

Why should I miss “us” when you never wanted an “us”?

It’s true that love is blind.

The only regret that I’ve is

I should’ve stolen a kiss on that last night

I should’ve given you a reason to fight

I should’ve done something to made you stay

And I guess here was your reason this whole time

How I loved you enough to let go to chase your dreams and not fight.

I hope the seasons fly past me

So fast for me to cope up with this

 the grit and endless hope…

 

 

If we were a movie…

“Sometimes the only way to catch an uncatchable woman is to offer her a wedding ring”

Yes, I’m a hopeless romantic teenage girl.

I grew up thinking that my love life will be magical, something out of ordinary.

I should blame it on the Indian cinemas. That entire Bollywood chick flick’s which I have seen thousand times again and again which forced me to believe in the whole prince charming concept and those surreal romances. Those melodic music and advertisements everything made me to fall head over heels. So, you see I was programmed to think, believe and look forward to a super romantic love life ahead. I had pictured me falling in love with a guy in endless Bollywood-Situations and I’ve been planning to repeat every single scene I have seen on-screen with him.

I always believed that my life will be like something I had seen in all those movies, where I meet a guy whom I will hate to death and eventually we will become friends from strangers. And before even I realize we will be in love Or something like meeting a bad boy in college and the perfect me changing him completely to bring the best out of him 😛

A romantic beach proposal enjoying the sunset and I will be the right girl whom he will be spending his whole life with…and and happily ever after…

If we were a movie….