Category Archives: Random notes

Shades of them…

Her light black glittered nail paint was his favorite. He loved putting it over her fingers to her arms & some of it on her cheeks too. She would curse him trying to rub it off from all over her while he laughed his eyes out.  payalHe would hide her anklets in the dark hours of the night.  Just so that he would get another chance to kneel down, take her feet in his hands and tie it again. He had gifted her more than a dozen anklets, all with metallic bells. He felt assured of her presence while he wouldn’t be looking at her.

Sometimes when she felt low, he would braid her hair too, gently caressing each strand. He liked her hair lose, untied, falling carelessly all over her face. They said he was always talking, but with her, the only thing he wanted was to listen. He would notice the little crack in her voice when he smiled at her. And the gentle curve of her lips when she tried to steal a look from him. Days when he would wake up before her, he would watch her sleep. His favorite time of the day was when they would sit on the attic in absolute stillness. How comfortable it was to share silences with her and still be understood. Sometimes he thought how she always knew whether he wanted a strong coffee or a soothing tea without him saying a word.

Many a days she would hide in the garden only to see the expression on his face as he would lose himself in the painting. She had mastered the art of putting into words the thoughts in his mind. Most of her days will be spent with her putting colors on blank sheet. Days she didn’t paint, she would talk to his mother, go through his childhood album picking up faces to frame, mix up songs for them to dance on a dimly lit evening, bookmark the pages for him to read from her favorite novel and learn to bake, just the way he liked…

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Perfectly Flawed Choices?

There are times in your life when you can’t help but ask yourself, what am I doing here? Is this right? Have I chosen correctly? Is this correct path? And even though how many times you’ve asked yourself, or even how many times you’ve gone through your best and worst what-if scenarios, you still do not know the answer.

Has it ever happened with you that you realize you have come too far down the road to go back? Sometimes we are at that juncture when just one decision lays the foundation for the rest of our life. Almost all of us face this situation when we have to choose between the love of our life and the person we are supposed to go with. Looking at the thousand faces of your loved ones you decide to preserve the smile and part away with yours. Life doesn’t give second chances, at least not to many of us. So, no matter how much you long to go back to the beginning and alter your decision, you simply can’t.

Let me tell you something, it’s only you, who will live as an incomplete person for the rest of your life pretending that nothing ever went wrong, regretting the decision every single day of your life. Had you just stepped back and declared your love! What worst could have happened, they wouldn’t have accepted, but at least you tried. Unspoken feelings hurt the most. You love someone, go say, irrespective of the fact that you will hear it in return or not. Else you are buying for yourself hollowness, loneliness and regrets at a remarkably heavy price.

Life is all about the choices that you make and how you abide by them. Learn to choose the right thing even if it demands standing against everyone around. In the end it’s all about our hearts and who they beat for. Look around, there is that one person who is as gorgeously flawed as you are and that’s the missing puzzle block you have been searching for.  Don’t let him/her go because none can fill that space that perfect. Real happiness doesn’t come from more money, a big house or a hot girlfriend/ dashing boyfriend, it comes when you know you are living this moment of your life exactly as you always wanted. It comes when you do what you are passionate about, when you are with someone who makes you feel alike, with whom there are no secrets, no complications. All of us, at one point of time get tired of getting up each day to prove ourselves to someone or the other. All we want is that someone who accepts us just the way we are. It’s all about just a handful of choices that make a person incomplete or accomplished. Choose wisely!And remember you are your choices!!!

Nothingness…

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I
should have told
you how I really feel
A little in advance….

Had I been living a daydream?
Was the past a fairy tale and the
Present a hard truth?
My heart is left in pieces
The fogs are finally lifted; But
The destiny remains unchanged.
I still stay far
From surrendering…
Time changes nothing at all
I miss you the same as the day you left

I miss you in the summer warmth, in the
Blowing winds that touch my cheeks,
Your memories come rushing by

Every time I pass the bench we sat on
Over and over again, swallowing me each day…

I hate that you left
Without hearing the words
That I needed you to
The words left unsaid

The expectations unfulfilled,
I’m struggling to hold to nothingness.
There are times
When you sneak out of my mind
And roll down my cheeks
When I know all I want is you
Now all I do is wait for another life
Where I wouldn’t know you at all,
Where I wouldn’t struggle to forget you
Loving you is a heartache that never goes away.

I missed you yesterday and the day before
and I know I will do that tomorrow too.

Every time we have to say goodbye
I’m counting down until we say hello

I never had something that I
Can’t walk away from
When it comes to you, no, I
ain’t got no patience…
But if there is somebody that
Makes you feel perfect
The way I’ve been lacking
Then do what you have to
because I’d never blame you

For not choosing me…

It’s all meant to be…

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Some days even the sun hides behind
the clouds
And you end up being a dead star on a 
night sky
Whirling darkness, lonely weather 
And the pain comes out as tears down 
your cheek…

She lived for ‘and they happily lived 
ever after…’
He hoped for ‘Once upon a time…’

Her heart was a sealed garden & the
walls were very high
Inside her heart she placed dreams
Beyond his reach…

He walked with her, not holding hands
but soul
He made her feel the warmth,Inspite the
walls

A swollen heart 
An undying love
Oh,it’s him again, a hundredth time 
& destroyed self…

She remembers his smile 
That sparkled in his eyes
She remembers the spirit 
That set her free…

As memories grew
They became inseparable 
Every memory remains
As the days past swiftly…

A blatant fate 
A concealed secret 
A blurred vision 
It’s,the fear of future, a mighty 
& poignant reality..

Unforgettable, that’s how he stayed in her
Treasured,where ever he is…
She concealed a secret,too heavy for her to
carry
She made him promise
That he’ll pardon her for
killing him…
He will…won’t he…??

A pair of almond eyes!

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Each raindrop that hits the window glass, it fills up the room with a sudden melancholy. Here I am, silent, trying to hear what the noises are about. People say love strikes you like lightening, a sudden wave rushes down your spine, ecstasy fills the air you breathe and you go singing all day long. Falling in love is like a fairy tale coming true. Each moment you wish that person to be right next to you. She is the first thought in the morning, the smile that persists on your lips and the last kiss of the night. She is a lifetime with a happy ending.Yet I’m trying to figure out the essence of everything, her innocence is what troubles me the most. He first saw her on a moon light. Soon a foreign emotion clouds his eyes…

He ‘was welcomed with her eyes

He gazed at her so much,

Her beauteous brown almond eyes

Made him melt…

He said it will work out,

Though she had her doubts.

He climbed inside her skin

And made all the promises

He made castles beside the sea

Little did she know those castles were of mud.

He didn’t leave till she said yes.

The sands of time slipped by,

She fell in love the day he fell out of it….

 

All the promises he made

Stood like a double headed sword

Ripping her mind and soul apart

Demons stole her breaths, she survived.

Denials pounded through her mind,

Emptiness echoed through her heart

Moments were filled with pain

She still fell for him every morning.

 

Time flew,wedding bells ringing.

She kept the vows. She knew what it meant to say  “yes”.

When they said ‘Love is what that binds you both’,

She wondered was that ‘love’ that suffocated her?

He bent down to slide the ring in her finger. He smiled.

He was cold as ice,

She couldn’t find love in his eyes.

Darkness covering her like a blanket

Gliding deep in to her thoughts,

Yet she smiled back.

Both carried the weight of the ring forever

With no fairy tale ending…

 

 

 

 

.

Moments…

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“Welcome to the real world, it sucks! You gonna love it”… I cannot help but remember this famous dialogue from the F.R.I.E.N.D.S tv series when Rachel is all set to be independent.

Every now and then we run out of feeling something for the first time. You wait for quite a time for precious things to happen- may be getting a job, outing with friends, confessing your love, speaking before the crowd, dancing on stage, holding hands or the first kiss….We have a preconceived idea about how it’s going to be and how we will react to it….It happens just the same, all of it, but you know it’s just in a split of second it’s all gone…The BEST MOMENTS… And it’ll remains as memories for life time!

Moments, they don’t last in time frames; it’s just our mind contemplating over and over. That’s the thing about growing up. We are coming down the list of the first time magical incidents happen to us. The sad part is we just have a handful of them and the second time doesn’t feel the same way.  Most of the times we don’t even realize it’s happening to us. Long after when it’s gone, we come to believe that was something special. I know, it’s the worst part 😦

Moments, long gone and dead, they have the ability to trigger in you the lost love, the futile excitement or the capabilities you once had.  Keeping up with the pace of life, we usually forget the essence of our being, the person we used to be, the things that make us happy or the goal of our lives. Life keeps rushing with bundles of happy moments lying on the sideways; it’s for you to open it.

Allow yourself to feel love, keep the windows to your heart open, celebrate success after a project, have someone you can say ‘I love you’ to, dance in the pouring rain, have 2am talks, send flowers to your beloved sitting miles across, watch the sunrise above the sea. It is in these tiny moments life exists.

When you turn 60, you would sit on the armchair with watery eyes, thinking about each tiny atom that made you. Nobody has it all right, nobody has everything to smile at, and we do have painful memories, a lot… But those difficult moments that you survived are the stories that stars sing to the world, these are the ones world knows you by, they make who you are today.

Live life by moments not by ages… Make stories that your grandchildren would love listening; make you own life worth watching.

As I embark my journey, these thoughts are going to help me in the long run to accept the fact that each day of life is a dynamic development and this determination will help me create wonders wherever I go. I still remember the day 4 yrs back, I entered college, away from home. Similar kind of fear, happiness and anxiety, it feels almost the same but the difference is that I am more optimistic, mature and have faith in myself. In spite of being aware of the fact that this journey is going to be bumpy, I’m ready to take the challenges that stop by.

All set for a new journey..

Here, I say Au revoir to the past and bonjour to a new start…

Stay Happy 🙂 😀 and remember the best moments are captured in blurred pictures….. ❤

 

…and you keep waiting

“I’m done with all the lies…telling people that I’m tired In reality I know I’m just sad…wrote something after 3 damn weeks… heavenly feeling”

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Sometimes you get this feeling that you don’t fit

The world is still The people seem strange

Even your dear ones have changed And there is absolutely no connection you feel
All that you want is to escape

Run away from all the troubles Go back home, let out what’s been inside
Cry out loud and feel on your own

That’s not going to happen
Home is also that cold…

There are times when you feel tired of being strong
Of putting together things every time
Of being there for everybody around
And never returned back the favor.
You see days go by with nothing changed
And the pain comes out as tears down your cheek
But you know you can’t help it.

Some days even the sun hides behind the clouds
For the fear of not being ‘wanted’ swallows it too.
There are times when you don’t know where to go
What you want, why this chase…
And you end up being a dead star on a night sky
But nothing still happens, the dark hour prevails
And you keep waiting
You keep waiting….

To start a day with!

  • “Get busy living or get busy dying.”-Stephen King,The Shawshank Redemption
  • “My idea of good company…is the company of clever, well-informed people, who have a great deal of conversation; that is what I call good company.’  ‘You are mistaken,’ said he gently, ‘that is not good company, that is the best.”
    ― Jane Austen, Persuasion
  • “I can’t go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.”-Lewis Carroll,Alice in Wonderland
  • “When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.”-Paulo Coelho,The Alchemist
  • “Blood of my blood and bone of my bone. You carry me within ye, Claire, and ye canna leave me now, no matter what happens. You are mine, always, if ye will it or no, if ye want me or nay. Mine, and I wilna let ye go.” -Diana Gabaldon, Outlander
  • “There is neither happiness nor unhappiness in this world; there is only the comparison of one state with another. Only a man who has felt ultimate despair is capable of feeling ultimate bliss. It is necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live…..the sum of all human wisdom will be contained in these two words: Wait and Hope.” – Alexandre Dumas,The count of Monte Cristo
  • “To understand just one life, you have to swallow the world.” -Salman Rushdie, Midnight’s Children
  • “I am half agony, half hope…” -Jane Austen, Persuasion
  • “If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.”-A.A. Milne,Winnie the Pooh
  • “A mind needs books as a sword needs a whetstone, if it is to keep its edge.” -George R.R Martin,A game of thrones
  • “If you want to know what a man’s like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.”-J.K.Rowling, HP:Goblet of fire